


Gnossienne

by WraithStrike



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Afterlife, Gen, Heaven, Mention of Light/L, Mention of Near/Sayu, Mostly introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-13
Updated: 2017-11-13
Packaged: 2019-02-01 17:07:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12709224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WraithStrike/pseuds/WraithStrike
Summary: He’s not sure Near deserves heaven.  He’s pretty sure he doesn’t.  He’s glad Near is still on Earth.  He’s glad he doesn’t have to watch Near blend into white clouds and white feathers.





	Gnossienne

“You don’t belong here,” Light Yagami says, looking down at the world as they’re wont to do. He wonders if that’s true. If a man who slaughtered half the world can really claim heaven and tell him that he shouldn’t be there too. He wonders if any of them belong here. L is here, and L is his goal, his idol, but L has killed and gone against laws and been inhumane towards Light and the blond girl and himself and all of those other orphans who were ever in the race, whose worth was determined by a number, by their ability to retain information. L is cruel.  
He isn’t. Matt isn’t. Light Yagami… Maybe he isn’t either. But they’re all here. L is cruel, Light Yagami is a mass murderer, he’s a mafia boss, and Matt… Matt deserves this. Matt was a good friend, Matt died for him, Matt was there when he needed him. He won’t even think that Matt doesn’t deserve heaven. Matt is a saint among heathens. His rosary hangs off his neck still, but it feels fake when he’s beside Matt. Compared to Matt, he is nothing. And Matt doesn’t even believe.  
He’s not sure Near deserves heaven. He’s pretty sure he doesn’t. He’s glad Near is still on Earth. He’s glad he doesn’t have to watch Near blend into white clouds and white feathers. But then, as awful as Near is, he’s pure as the driven snow. At least, as pure as one can be in his occupation. He thinks he’d like to see Near in hell, just to watch the demons decide how to punish him. Maybe they wouldn’t. It’s hard to hold a grudge against him. He’s tried.  
He hates Near, he’ll proclaim it to anyone who mentions him, but he wonders if his hatred is really hatred or curiosity corrupted by misguided frustration. That’s what L says it is. He doesn’t want to disagree with his mentor, but Near is the cause of everything that’s happened to him and he’s sure Near deserves his hatred. But sometimes he feels like he could look at Near and smile. He’s not sure that and hatred can coexist. He died for Near.  
So he turns his head away from the brunet man whose lover is the man he killed. “Neither do you,” he states, and ignores the protests he gets for it. He’s pretty sure Light Yagami is just here because he’s L’s heaven. And L died trying to save the world. He supposes that’s why L is here. He supposes that’s why he’s here. That, and because he’s part of Matt’s heaven. Probably. He’s not really sure.  
He conjures up an apple and tosses it, Light Yagami catches it almost desperately. He’s pretty sure Light never liked apples before he came here. He knows his demon did, the Shinigami, but he never saw Light eat one before he came here. He wonders if it’s Light’s form of mourning.  
He looks down, watching Near file through paperwork in his meticulous way. It’s boring. He thinks that’s why L doesn’t watch. It’s what he’s done for decades, he’s not about to watch another few decades of it. Well, presumably. He’s fairly certain Light’s the only one who wants him dead sooner rather than later. Matt doesn’t watch either. He thinks that’s because Matt doesn’t like Near. He’s not sure if it’s the way he doesn’t like Near or not. He thinks Matt might be a little jealous of his attention, but he won’t say that. Matt’s given him everything.  
He’s not really sure why Light watches Near with him. Maybe it’s just because he wants to watch everything go to the finish. Even though the Kira case is long over. He’s pretty sure Light wants to make sure everyone involved dies sooner or later. And because now only Near is left, looking like he’s twelve. The rest died over the past twenty years, slowly disappearing one by one until the only ones still touched by that case are Near and Light’s younger sister. He’s not sure how anyone feels about the two being married.  
He watches because Near is getting to do everything he’s only dreamed about, outlived him by a good twenty years, and is still as plain as he was when he was younger. He doesn’t think it’s right for a forty-something man to look twelve. He didn’t think it was right when he was eighteen and he still doesn’t think it’s right now, but he’s seen Near undressed and the only major difference over the past twenty years are the scars that coat his body. Sometimes Near gets captured. He’s not sure what he thinks about it.  
Finally, finally, Near puts the papers away and settles down to sleep. He and Light take their time standing, he knows they’ve got about six hours before the living genius wakes up again and that’s time he can spend elsewhere. On Matt, relishing the company of his mentor, everything he misses from his childhood that he can do now without worrying about time. He loves it.

**Author's Note:**

> Near and Sayu aren't a ship of mine, but I figure that they're the only ones who could understand what the other went through and they value that. It's more of a platonic life partnership than a marriage.


End file.
